these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
