I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
