I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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