kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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