Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
