im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
