Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
