i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
