respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
