And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
