somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
