Girls should come with a carfax report
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
