I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
