when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
