wat bout pragnant strippers??
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
