The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
