is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
