he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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