We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
