I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
