butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
