It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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