You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
