yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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