do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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