Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
