Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
