Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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