No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
