I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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