you're like a bully in the Christmas story
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
