i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i came on her dog
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
