4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
