Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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