He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
