is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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