I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
