did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
