I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
