I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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