3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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