Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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