I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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