I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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