I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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