theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
