i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
