i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
