I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
