I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
