There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
